June Week 2: Principles for Proper Leadership (Commentary on D&C 121:34-46)

34 Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

we are all 'called' in some capacity or another.  we are called to be leaders or examples or other areas of service.  what does 'chosen' mean in this context?  to me, it is synonymous with "effective" or "ideal" or "good" or "proper".  therefore, to rephrase it, we all have work to do, but few are really good or effective at accomplishing the task at hand.

from here, we dig into why some people are good and effective at callings or leadership while others are not.

35 Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—

reason number one why some people aren't so effective: their hearts are not in the right place; their intentions are not good.  they want to lead in order to be popular or prestigious or to perhaps become wealthy from the position.

36 That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled nor handled only upon the principles of righteousness.

in a priesthood leadership context, some people want to be priesthood leaders to be popular; but they fail to understand that they must always be righteous and wise and just in order to be an effective and good leader.

37 That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.

leadership keys and priesthood authority may be granted us, but we lose that authority when we are prideful, vain or when we exercise control over people because of our position of authority.  many are aware of the catholic church priest scandals; but even the LDS church has its own issues and history.  as recent as this year, the news was filled with reports about a man named Joseph Bishop, who assaulted a sister missionary in the MTC of all places.  there are many other cases of heinous behavior of leaders abusing their position of authority (see wikipedia entry on mormon abuse case).

there are two key lessons here:
1. don't assume a bishop or stake president or mission president or general authority are good people.  reserve judgement and be mindful of never letting down your guard.  speak up for yourself; tell a trusted adult if you've been the victim of such heinous behavior.  DO NOT be silent about such matters; whether you've been the victim or if a friend or someone you know has suffered abuse.

2. if you are in a leadership position, you must set a higher standard for yourself.  don't ever let your actions betray the trust of others.

as youth, you should be aware of on-going efforts by a bishop who lives in houston, who has made it his mission to make bishop interviews less sexually explicit.  also, some people think it is a great idea to ensure there is more than one adult in the room when a leader interviews a child or young adult.  for more information about this effort, see: http://protectldschildren.org/

38 Behold, ere he is aware, he is left unto himself, to kick against the pricks, to persecute the saints, and to fight against God.

do you know what the term "kick against the pricks" means?

a prick or an ox goad was a stick with a pointed piece of iron on its tip used to prod the oxen when plowing. The farmer would prick the animal to steer it in the right direction. Sometimes the animal would rebel by kicking out at the prick, and this would result in the prick being driven even further into its flesh. In essence, the more an ox rebelled, the more it suffered.

maybe a more modern-day application would be "tire spikes."  maybe you've seen these in a parking lot, where you pay where you enter, but where you exit the parking lot, to prevent non-payers from entering, the lot has theses tire spikes.  if you roll over the spikes while exiting the lot, the spikes fold down.  but if you back up or go the wrong way over the spikes, it will pop your tires - a very costly mistake.

39 We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

according to D&C 121, most people are power hungry - in that when they get power and authority, the begin to abuse it.  this is a very stern warning for all of us - that we should be aware of our bias toward power.

40 Hence many are called, but few are chosen.

power hunger is the reason why so few are effective.

41 No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

no one can or should tell you what to do for the reason of: "because i said so; or i command you to ..."  this really only works in the military.  in normal day-to-day interactions, for anyone to be an effective leader, they must actually be good people.

up to this point in D&C 121, we've been talking about the traps of leadership.  now it gets into how to actually be a good and effective leader.

you can't just boss people around.

use persuasion, reason, logic.

long-suffering simply means being patient with people.

anger never really works; the other end of the spectrum from anger is gentleness.  how effective have your parents or leaders been when they get angry or upset?  are you more willing to do what someone tells you when they are freaking out or when they are gentle?

love unfeigned - what does 'feign' mean?  it means 'fake or false or to pretend'.  do you like it when people pretend to love you or when they actually love you?  it's an obvious answer.  so the lesson here is: don't be fake.  be genuine.

42 By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—

similar to gentleness is kindness.  again, think of when leaders have been kind to you.  are they more effective or less effective?

pure knowledge - is it better when a leader gives you good reasons for doing something?  or is it better when they just give opinions?  we are all biased in some way or another.  we assume we know, when in reality, we really don't know.  many of us don't admit we don't know.  it is always better to let data and sound knowledge guide us.  this is what pure knowledge is.

being lead by good information and knowledge will prevent leaders from being hypocrites and it will give them confidence in their decisions (confidence = enlarging the soul).

guile is simply deception.

43 Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;

followers will sometimes disobey a leader.  in those cases, the leader needs to provide feedback.  the old-school style would typically involve yelling and foaming at the mouth - which is, less effective.

a better way to provide feedback (which really is the essence of "reproving someone") is to ensure the feedback is given in a timely manner.  this is why your teachers assign homework and give quizzes in between tests.  if a lesson has been given, but the teacher doesn't know you've learned the lesson until the final exam, that is not very timely feedback.  even at work, all the employees are ranked once a year; but once a year feedback is not enough, therefore, we are coached frequently.  failure is bound to happen, but we lose opportunities to teach and learn if we don't actually think about and learn from our failures.

after you provide feedback, be sure to give encouragement and try to make the feedback experience positive.

this whole concept is easily apparent in dog-training.  you train your dog with positive reinforcement; not negative.

44 That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

better to enjoy the kindness and confidence of a leader than the fear of hellfire damnation!

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

charity is the greatest of all.  see Moroni 7:45-48.

virtue (self-discipline, courage, justice, wisdom and the related virtues) should guide you in all your do as a person and as a leader.  at one point in time "garnish" actually meant , in part, "to warn or defend" (link).  If we apply this meaning in this context, we should let virtue guard our thoughts unceasingly or all the time - we should never let our guard down.  in today's terms, i often hear that we need to "be mindful."

if we can guard our thoughts with virtue all the time, then we will be confident relative to our position with God and with others.  we won't have anything to hide or feel guilt for.

pure doctrine - sound reason - real knowledge will seep (distil) into our minds like dew on grass.  have you ever notice your grass or a field at night - does it have dew on it?  no.  but in the morning, it does.  it's almost magic.  that process of distillation happens over hours.  if we practice virtue and learn right doctrine, then that knowledge will seep into our souls and minds.

46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.

wisdom will be our constant companion.  what else is the holy ghost but a means for teaching us what is right and wise and just?  we want to have those virtues to be with us all the time.

a scepter is a symbol of true power and authority.  kings and queens have scepters.  when you are an effective leader, your symbolic scepter will be righteousness and truth.

your domain or sphere of influence, will grow.  people will begin to seek you out; looking for your wisdom - all because you have take the time and effort to learn how to be an effective leader.

The Best Relief Society Lesson I Never Sat Through

Jill forwarded me an email of a Relief Society lesson that was given this past Sunday. If it was as good as it was in email format, then those sisters who listened to it had quite a treat.

Later, I'll follow-up with a few other posts about why this lesson struck me so.

* denotes name has been changed.

Here it is ... enjoy

The theme for the women’s conference at BYU this year was “By small and simple things are great things brought to pass.” Alma 37:6

Let’s dissect that phrase for a minute.

What great things do we want to come to pass? Ultimately, the truly great thing we all want is exaltation for us and our family.

So what are the small and simple things that can greatly affect us and our families in that journey to exaltation?

To name a few: Scripture Study, Prayer, Sabbath observance, faith, repentance, partaking of the sacrament, word of wisdom, what you view, what you read, what you listen to, your internet practices, magnifying your calling, modesty, tithing, temple attendance. The Strength of Youth is a great guide – for youth of ALL ages. As are the most recent Conference issues of the Ensign.

Why are these small things so important? Is there one we can ignore without it affecting us spiritually?

Satan knows this principle and uses it conversely. Therefore, he will do all in his power to diminish your resolve to do the small and simple things? Does he tell you these small things really won’t matter on the day of judgment? Does he tell you it is so small and simple it won’t make that big of a difference? You don’t have to be so strict, so exact, so undeviating. Or does he tell you that you don’t have time to worry about those little things, because you are doing other good things? Those things can wait.

Lehi’s dream offers insight. If you have seen an artist rendition of it you will note the rod of iron is barely visible but the large and spacious building can’t be missed. That is true of the world we live in. If we are not careful the world’s message can easily overwhelm the Lord’s. Satan is working hard to make sure there are ample things to distract and dissuade us from those small and simple things.

I know as Latter-day Saint women we constantly have to make stands – with neighbors, with fellow employees, with schools, and sometimes even with our families. It gets exhausting. You roll your eyes and sometimes wonder – is this small and simple thing THAT important? Is it worth yet one more stand? Sometimes we may feel we can’t fight them all so let’s just choose a few. But be careful of such a diminished resolve. Be careful which battles you choose NOT to fight. What small and simple things will you stop teaching and doing?

I don’t know how else to explain what I am seeing and feeling concerning the urgency for each of us to entrench ourselves and stand firm in even, or maybe especially, the small and simple things. So I’m going to give you same examples to hopefully better illustrate my point.

You have often heard me speak of John*, my wild and crazy son. John was unique. He wasn’t bad or rebellious. He never was in the Bishop’s office with a word of wisdom problem or morality issue. But John did give me some worries in that he questioned things. He has always needed to know the why of things. Until he had resolved things completely in his mind, he remained very anxious about them, almost agitated.

It took me a long time before I realized the reason he argued every point was because he was just thinking out loud. The need to find out “why” was so innate in him. If he didn’t see the logic behind the rule, he saw no reason to amend his behavior or accept it as a principle of the Gospel. It was almost as if there was a distrust on his part until we could prove it. Where in the scriptures does it say that! Why?! It couldn’t be just because you said so. The answer had to be logical and concise. He didn’t want to hear parables or analogies – just a straight logical answer.

I felt as if I was battling him every day of my life. There was always a thread of contention in our home. I was being drained by it. My husband came home for some of it, but let’s face it moms, we are on the front line more hours in a day than our spouses.

My husband and I discussed it once and wondered if I should just give it a rest and only fight the battles that were BIG. But after prayer we decided against it. We wondered if by doing it like that we might undermine the logic in the battles we did fight. After all, everything in the gospel is interconnected. Why would we spend so much time teaching him why to obey one thing and then not another – when both were said by a prophet or recorded in scripture. He’d be on to that hypocrisy in a heartbeat and perhaps be convinced none of it was true. We decided we would have to continue to make every stand, no matter how small. We resolved that even if John left unconvinced of why, he would have at least heard the truth, the Lord’s stand, from our mouths.

A fateful day came. A new young man moved into the ward with a bit of an attitude and John was influenced by him. It seemed that all of the sudden John's questions of why were coming more often and decidedly more antagonistically. On that fateful Saturday, John walked into our home, and the issue of face cards came up. He spoke of a new game he had just learned to play – poker.

But was it really that big of a deal? Yeah, well … it’s just a game. It’s just cards.

True to our decision, my husband didn’t hesitate. He told John the church didn’t approve of such things. At first, John was angry and shocked. He accused us of lying to him. The church had nothing to say about simple little games.

My husband then went to the book shelve and opened MORMON DOCTRINE by Elder Bruce R. McConkie. He read to John what the church’s stand is on face cards and why. John conceded.

Two days later, the Mormon Doctrine was missing from the bookshelf. About three weeks later my twelve year old son stepped into the kitchen with that book in his hand. Trying to act nonchalant about it, John simply asked, “Hey, has this guy written anything else?”

Keeping a straight face was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I led John to the bookshelf and showed him the many other books Elder McConkie had written.

Oh, I would love to say that John changed immediately that day, but he didn’t. John still struggled to get his “whys” fast enough. He still struggled to incorporate what he was learning into his behavior. There were still some intense moments in our home.

However, just over six years later, on John's nineteenth birthday, he entered the MTC – having read every published book written by Elder Bruce R. McConkie. Elder McConkie spoke John's language. He had a way of stating the whys boldly and concisely.

Today John teaches seminary for the Church. He was married in the temple and has three children. His first child is a son. His name is Bruce for a reason.

Standing firm for small and simple things can change lives.

Now the next story.

As a RS president I have been dealing with something I never dreamt I would in the First Ward – a homeless sister.

At first it was so frustrating. The church is really not equipped to deal with homelessness. We encourage people to return to their families for help or to the government or faith based organization that can give them housing. For many reasons this woman felt she was unable to do any of those things.

One day I just sat and talked with her. I was trying to figure out how she got to where she was and was trying to analyze her reasoning. She was the product of a dysfunctional family, consequently with some emotional problems, which probably led to her failed marriage. Then she was involved in a horrible car accident that left her slightly disabled. She had managed to find a place to live on her own but lost it in a blink when Hurricane Ike hit. She had been living in her car ever sense. During this conversation, it dawned on me how frighteningly close all of us are to homelessness. There is some statistic at HAAM that suggests it might be only 5 events that separates most of us from being without a home.

As I thought on that more, I realized how frighteningly close all of us are to inactivity in the church and the loss of our eternal home. How many of those small and simple things can we give up and not find ourselves in that position? Five? I think it is less. If we stop doing even one for an extended period of time we inevitably will stop another and then another. Soon we will have too little oil to keep our lamps lit and none in reserve. Doing the small and simply things makes more of a difference than we sometimes realize.

I feel to talk of one more story.

I think of Mary Fielding Smith as she trudged across the plains – widowed and with little means to support herself and the young family left to her care. The decision to go west seemed small. Follow the prophet. What was left for her in Nauvoo? Getting up every morning along the trail, preparing food, having a morning prayer, following her priesthood leaders, and organizing her family to leave each day at some point must have become as routine for her as it is for us. She just kept going. She just kept doing what she knew was right – no matter what. She stood up to those who lacked the faith she had. She vigilantly taught her children her faith by word and example. She didn’t budge. I don’t think she thought she was doing anything great. It was the small and simple things that kept her faith lit and her family together. And what great thing came of it? Her son, Joseph, was ordained an apostle at the age of 27. He became a Prophet as did her grandson. Several other descendents of the children she raised were either members of the Quorum of the Twelve or were married to a member of the Quorum of the Twelve. Today Elder Ballard serves in that Quorum.

Again what was that great thing we want? What are those small and simple things? Why are they so important? Is there one we can ignore without it affecting us spiritually?

By small and simple things great things truly can come to pass. I feel we ignore them at our own peril and at the peril of our families.

Now I know many of you are facing very difficult challenges – things you never dreamt you would be facing – things your parents and friends have never faced. We live in turbulent times. You need answers. I promise you as you do these small and simple things the Lord will direct you to know how to face these challenges. It might be to know what doctor to go to, what course of treatment is best, how to overcome an addiction, where to apply for a job, when to seek more education or how to handle a strong-willed child. The Lord has the answer to every challenge you face in life. Doing the small and simple things will open up an avenue of revelation to guide you through every challenge. I bear my witness that is true.

I pray we will take Elder Uchtdorf’s advice from the October general conference. “There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.”

He continued, “My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will establish the basis of a rich and fruitful mortal life with promises of eternal happiness. They will teach us to do “all these things … in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that [we] should run faster than [we have] strength. [But] it is expedient that [we] should be diligent, [and] thereby … win the prize. Brothers and sisters, diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the world.”

Slow down, Sisters, and make sure that above all else you are tending to the small and simple things.

Spiritual Vertigo Video

This is a great video - I loved seeing the P-51s.  The lesson from vertigo is excellent.