Don't think divorce; don't speak divorce; don't divorce

I can't help but speak up about the topic of divorce.  It is a nasty topic and I feel the need to rinse my mouth to even speak the word.  But it is important to recognize the devastating effects of it in our culture today - so as to teach our children and those around us - so that we can save some soul from its heart-wrenching consequences.

Background

First, I want to make a few things known.  I'm a Generation X-er ... we were the kids who suffered from our parents divorcing at astounding rates in the 1970s and 80s (think Kramer vs. Kramer).  And speaking of that movie ... I remember, as a kid, seeing parts of this movie and was absolutly horrified of it.

My parents did not divorce - they are married today and I praise them for being committed to each other.

One of my good friend's parents divorced when I was in 4th grade.  That experience even devastated me.

One of my relative's parents got a divorce when he was about 21 or so.

One of my good college friends was married for just a short period before he and his ex-wife divorced.

After my wife and I graduated from BYU and started our own family and career, we saw two families in our ward divorce - with small kids.  I still remember the first Sunday after the one couple separated.  The dad was sitting with the kids in the audience and the mom was leading the music.  Their little boy just cried for his mom every time she stood up.  It was heart-crushing to listen to that little plea from that boy.

And then, just last week, I hear another story from my wife about this woman she knows.  In the course of their conversation, this woman just flippantly said that she was considering divorce - apparently for no real good reason other than to just leave him!  My wife telling me this story is what has prompted me to write something about this topic.

But I ultimately decided not to ... until I came across another disturbing bit of information.

Sesame Street and Divorce

the positive spin: two houses

First off, take the time to read this article about how Sesame Street has handled the topic of divorce: "D Is for Divorce: Sesame Street Tackles Another Touchy Topic"  They first tried it back in 1992 - but that attempt failed miserably.

But now they've found a way to put a positive spin on the new topic.  Now kids can see the positive side of divorce as they watch the segment, but then get to try to figure out why it's not so positive when they actually have to live through it.

For what it's worth, Sesame Street did not air the divorce segment on TV; rather it is a segment that was produced only for their website.

What You Can Do

What can you do about divorce?  Stand up and tell people not to get a divorce if they are considering it - especially if they have kids.  This is what my wife did with her friend - she tried very enthusiastically to advise against divorce.  And this is the right thing to do when there is no serious and perpetual abuse.

Talk to your kids about it - tell them that divorce is not ok.  Tell them that marriage is serious and should be taken serioiusly.  It is not something to do and when the going gets rough it's time to bail.  No; it should take work and commitment.  It is precious and worth keeping.  It takes both the husband and wife to commit and step up.

The statistics are out there for those who want to know and to look.  You give your kids the best shot in life by being commited to your marriage.  But when you divorce, you wreck lives.

Don't think divorce.  Don't speak divorce.  Don't divorce.

Additional Reading

The Family Proclamation
Divorce by Dallin H. Oaks
 

Kingwood Stake "Regulations"

President Paulson spoke of a regulation throughout the church.  Here are the five regulations he wants implemented in Kingwood Stake:

1. Member Missionary Work - pray for those who are prepared, so we would be led to them.  Then pary to open our mouth.  Pray to be prompted about what we should talk to them about.  Invite.  Hour of Power every Thursday at 5:55pm.

2. Temple Worthiness Attendance - Tithing - the Lord will work your finances; protection for the family.  The plague of porn continues.  If you've dabbled in lots or a little, go see your bishop.  Lay aside the things of the world.

3. Be a Zion like People - be united, we are a family.

4. Strengthen Families - 65% of young men are attending church in our stake.  There are too many distractions.  We have to put those activities that strengthen faith, first.

5. Focus on People - Christ didn't bustle between meetings working to-do lists and multi-tasking.  Pray to find those who need us.

Final Though: make an inventory of things to repent of and then do the top 3.

LDS Study Notebook and Ideas for Use

Jill and I upgraded our cell phones this week.  She went from a text phone to a smart phone and I upgraded to a bigger smart phone.  So, I've been playing w/ my new phone for the last few days.

Yesterday, I started tinkering w/ the Gospel Library app.  I set it up to synch w/ my LDS account.  As I was playing around w/ it to see how it works, an idea came to me: why not put all my scripture highlights into my virtual LDS "Study Notebook"?  I could also put a link, at the beginning of each chapter, to the respective Book of Mormon Inspection post (from my other blog).  So, as I read the Book of Mormon yesterday, I copied the highlighted parts from my physical copy to my smart phone and then synched it w/ my virtual "Study Notebook".  Unfortunately, a lot of the LDS web content was down yesterday - they must have had an outage or were performing some upgrades (more likely the former).

So, this morning I logged on to my LDS account, went to my "Study Notebook" and checked to see if my annotations were synched - they were.

Then another idea came to me: when our kids are adults or maybe when they enter seminary, I could share my virtual "Study Notebook" w/ them so they could see all the highlighted parts of my set of scriptures, along w/ the annotations I made.  Together w/ this and all my other blogs, they would have a spring board for their own study of the scriptures.

Recap of April 2012 Conference

Here is the re-cap of the April 2012 General Conference.  The technology of the Church is pretty incredible.  Those Church IT guys have done a tremendous job making GC available so quickly after it's over.  I remember several years ago when they first started steaming GC on-line.  Then it would take about 3 weeks for the videos or text to be available.  Now it's practically instantaneous.  The videos and mp3s are up the next day and the text is up by the Thursday after GC.

My wife and I were talking about whether we should force the kids to watch GC all day Saturday or not.  My point is that if you watch everything at once, you just don't get everything.  So we decided not to sit through all 10 hours at once.  Rather, we are going to watch one or two talks each Sunday as a family and then discuss the talk.  We did watch conference on Sunday though.

One other thought - I think I've successfully stayed awake through an entire GC once or twice in my life.  It is nearly impossible for me to sit in my living room and listen to talk after talk after talk and stay awake and alert.  I love that I can listen to or watch and read along the weeks after GC is over.  I get so much more out of the talks this way.

So BIG KUDOS to the Church IT guys!!  If tithing money is spent on this technology, then I think it is very well-spent!

President Thomas S. Monson - As We Gather Once Again
why we meet: strengthen, encouragement, comfort, build faith, to learn
if changes need to be made in your life, may you find the courage to do so
oppose evil whereever it is found
be instructed and be inspired
be filled with the Lord's spirit

President Boyd K. Packer - And a Little Child Shall Lead Them
the ultimate end of all activity in the Church is to see husband and wife with their family happy at home.
too often, someone comes to me and says, "President Packer, wouldn't it be nice if ..." I usually stop them and say, "No" because I suspect what follows will be a new activity or program that is going to add the burden of time or financial means on the family."
personal application: what can i do, as scout leader, to promote family time?
the goal of scouts, according to this talk, would be to help fathers spend meaningful time with their sons - to provide opportunities to let fathers and sons learn and grow together.
if scouting becomes a burden, then it would seems it has failed the mission of "supporting the family"
if we get all the eagles scouts in the world, but no real fathers, we've accomplished nothing.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks - Sacrifice
Mormon Pioneers example of sacrifices
Husband left wife and family to serve a mission
Symbols of our Christian faith (Mormons) is our daily sacrifice
Home teaching and visiting teaching
full-time missionaries (time spent to save money, actual time serving, family sacrifices time they are not with their child)
converts' sacrifices: loss of family temple service: time spent to save money to be sealed with family in temple

President Henry B. Eyring - Mountains to Climb
there are giant opportunies (challenges) to be met.
give me this mountain; give me these challenges and adversities he prayed for a challenge
1) god heard his prayer and answered it
2) he learned that a great blessing could come from adversity
repent have faith that the way through trials is the balm of gilead
foundation for faith = personal integrity (consistently choosing the right) curing that faith takes time and patience and experience

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland - The Laborers in the Vineyard
do not covet, do not pout or tear others down; do not demean others to improve yourself
do not throw away your good fortune in protest of the perceived injustice - accept the good fortune (mercy from God) and rejoice in the mercy He gives to "late" repenters.
don't dwell on old issues or grievences (of self, of neighbor or even the Church)
simply accept the Atonement of Christ, don't dwell on anything else, enjoy the fellowship of the labor

accept mercy and be merciful

personal thoughts: the key premise in this parable, in my mind, is that there is a shortage of work for the laborers.  Laborers are standing around, waiting for work. The need the work or else they don't feed their families.  Anything to do for work would be great - and it doesn't matter when they get the work - they will take it first thing in the morning and work all day or take the job in the late afternoon and get something rather than nothing.  so how does this apply to our life today?  perhaps it can be said there is a shortage of "good fortune" in the world - just like there was a shortage of jobs to be done in the parable.  so, if someone is blessed with abundance from the time they were born until the time they die, that person should be grateful and thank God for what they've been blessed with.  That person should also learn not to be envious when good fortune comes to those who receive it later in life.  If they are envious of another's good fortune, despite having good fortune their entire life, they choose to experience ill feelings toward another person who has received good fortune!  As Elder Holland puts it, they drink a quart of pickle juice every time someone else receives good fortune, rather than pondering their own good fortune.

another thought: similarly to what I stated above, we can envision a person who was "born in the Church", who was faithful all his life - who went to Church, Boy Scouts, service projects, received the Priesthood - was a Deacon, Teacher, Priest, became an Elder; served a difficult mission - maybe not even baptizing a single convert; returned honorably, married in the temple; started family and continued serving faithfully day after day - week after week for his whole life.

Meanwhile, his younger brother chose the opposite all his days, indulged in all his desires rather than being obedient and serving others.  He ate, drank and was merry all the days of his life.  Then, when he reached the end of his rope, he found he was not happy.  He decided to clean up his life - it was a difficult process back into the fold.

Now they both die and are both granted eternal life - the reward of living in the presence of God for eternity.  Does the faithful brother act like the other son who is not the prodigal son?  Does he refuse eternal life because his "unfaithful" brother receives it?  Or does he act like the father and rejoice in the mercy of Christ?

Elder Robert D. Hales - Coming to Ourselves: The Sacrament, the Temple, and the Sacrifice in Service
prepare to worthily take the sacrament before coming to sacrament meeting; leave the daily work and recreation behind; do not think of worldly thoughts or concerns.  then ponder the Atonement; ponder the sacrifice of Christ
sing the sacrament hymn; listen to the sacrament prayers; partake of the emblems
seek forgiveness of sins and shortcomings of previous week; make specific commitments for the coming week.
search from the scriptures
live the gospel standards
obtain a temple recommend
gain a testimony of God, Christ, the Holy Ghost, the Atonement, Joseph Smith, the Restoration
sustain leaders; be kind, stand as a witness of Christ, attend Church meetings, honor covenants, be a good parent, be virtuous
assist the youth to prepare for lifelong service
learn to work; live within your means; avoid debt, save money now so that we can give full-time service later in our lives; to be able to lift others.

Elder Quentin L. Cook - In Tune with the Music of Faith
a great divide between those who love, worship and feel accountable to God and those who do not
destroyers of faith: pride, vanity & foolishness
love the Lord; love His gospel; continually try to live and share His message - especially with your families.
be in harmony with the promptings of the Spirit
observe religion in your home
strive to be a disciple of Christ
with regard to his paragraph that starts out "We recognize how busy you are"  From that paragraph, I hear "if you are serving; don't feel guilty for not serving enough"
don't judge others
rescue those who have "fallen away"
avoid being judgemental about conduct that is foolish or unwise, but is not sinful
be an example in action, not just words (as a parent to your children)
read and gain a testimony of the Book of Mormon

Elder Richard G. Scott - How to Obtain Revelation and Inspiration for Your Personal Life
revelation = crisp, clear and essential communication from the Holy Ghost
inspiration = series of promptings that guide us step by step toward a worthy goal
we are supposed to ask the Lord to receive revelation
fast, pray for finding scriptures that will be helpful with the answer for the question, read those scriptures, ponder, pray, write down what the Lord would have you do, pray again
don't let daily activities distract us from the spirit

Elder David A. Bednar - The Powers of Heaven
distinguishing feature of the church is priesthood (the authority of god delegated to man on earth to act in all things for the salvation of mankind)
be active in priesthood service - promote the cause of righteousness in the earth
by not doing your duties, you break your priesthood covenant
be righteous; faithful; obedient; diligent; worthy; willing to serve
lift souls, teach, testify, bless, council, advance the work of salvation
take the lead in scripture study, family prayer, fhe - be a strong leader - preside - protect

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf - The Why of Priesthood Service
the why of priesthood service is to motivate others; to awaken their spirit; to inspire action
be enthusiastic about the gospel as you teach others.
let the fire of your testimony bring light and warmth and joy to the hearts of those you teach
priesthood service is to provide a vision of what it means to establish the kingdom of god on earth
building the kingdom of god on earth means building personal testimonies and strengthening families
priesthood service helps us prioritize between good, better, best - it helps us stay focused on the most important things
the most important things are: increase our love for god and our fellowmen, invigorate marriages, strengthen families and build the kingdom of god on earth
how we specifically decide on our priorities: study the scriptures, heed the prophets, hold serious and dedicated prayer
act before being acted upon; the value of an idea is in using it

President Henry B. Eyring - Families Under Covenant
four things you can do as a priesthood father to lift and lead your family home again to heaven
1. gain & keep a sure witness that the keys of the priesthood are with us & held by the president of the church - pray for that every day.
2. love your wife
3. enlist the entire family to love each other
4. discipline when needed - d&c 121:41-44

President Thomas S. Monson - Willing and Worthy to Serve
various definitions of priesthood ...
1. joseph smith - priesthood is an everlasting principle, and existed with god from eternity, and will to eternity, without beginning of days or end of years.
2. wilford woodruff -  the holy priesthood is the channel through which god communicates and deals with man upon the earth; and the heavenly messengers that have visited the earth to communicate with man are men who held and honored the priesthood while in the flesh; and everythign that god has caused to be done for the salvation of man, from the coming of man upon the earth to the redemption of the world, has been and will be by virtue of the everlasting priesthood.
3. joseph f. smith -  the priesthood is the power of god delegated to man by which man can act in the earth for the salvation of the human family, in the name of the father and the son and the holy ghost, and act legitimately; not assuming that authority, nor borrowing it from generations that are dead and gone, but authority that has been given in this day in which we live by ministering angels and spirits from above, direct from the presense of almighty god.
4. john taylor - it is the governmant of god, whether on the earth or in the heavens, for it is by that power, agency, or principle that all things are governed on the earth and in the heavens, and by that power that all things are upheald and sustained.  it governs all things - it directs all things - it sustains all things - and has to do with all things that god and truth are associated with.
stories of examples of priesthood service - soldier blessing injured soldier on beach; saving his life.  writing letters of encouragement to servicemen
there are feet to steady, hands to grasp, minds to encourage, hearts to inspirt and souls to save

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf - The Merciful Obtain Mercy
required to forgive all men - including ourselves
stop hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges or wanting to cause harm
love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
be kind
forgive
talk peacefully with others
do good unto all men
people will be people; learn to rise above the fray, forgive and forget.  this talk had a very similar feel as elder holland's talk

Elder Russell M. Nelson - Thanks Be to God
gives thanks to god
be mindful of the various gifts from god ...
the world, the universe, his son jesus christ, our bodies, the resurrection, spiritual gifts, gospel gifts

Elder D. Todd Christofferson - The Doctrine of Christ
believe in christ; be baptized

President Thomas S. Monson - The Race of Life
personal thoughts: how often do you ask yourself: if you know you are going to die tomorrow ... in a week ... in a month ... in a year; how does that change your current priorities?
endure to the end
we have the power to (and must) think, reason and achieve
pray; listen to the holy ghost, search the scriptures; heed the prophets

Elder L. Tom Perry - The Power of Deliverance
both the people of limhi and the people of alma were delivered
both suffered
limhi's people chose to fight; alma's people chose to pray
what do you need to be delivered from?
which way is your "door" facing? to the world or to the alter of god?

Elder M. Russell Ballard - That the Lost May be Found
our liahona/gps is the holy ghost - the promptings of the holy ghost
new york times: "the share of children born to unmarried women has crossed a threshold: more than half of births to american women under 30 occur outside of marriage"
the most important cause in our lifetime is our family
prioritize - put everything you do outside the home in subjection to and in support of what happens inside your home.
organize - your personal life to provide time for prayer, scripture study and family activities
teach your childen to work and give them responsibilities
marriage first, then family
read family proclamation often, understand it, follow it.

Elder Neil L. Andersen - What Thinks Christ of Me?
pay attention to who and what christ labels in the scriptures ... see 3rd paragraph in this talk
love christ, trust christ, believe christ, follow christ and you will feel his love and approval

President Thomas S. Monson - As We Close This Conference
pray always
fill your homes with love and the spirit of the lord
love your family
settle disagreements
do god's will, serve him, serve others
ponder the words you've heard from this conference

The Temple, Family and the Power of Prayer

Our family drove to Salt Lake City last month to attend two weddings; one for my sister-in-law and another for my niece.  I had quite a few powerful spiritual experiences there.

First off, I want to make a simple comment on the power of prayer.  Time and time again, I have seen our family "rally around" someone who needed our faith.  We prayed faithfully, as a family, for something we knew was a righteous desire.  Often, we would pray for months and even years for the desire of our hearts.  It worked.  Our prayers were answered.  Prayer works.

In the weeks leading up to my sister-in-law's wedding, we all were discussing if and how we would pull off doing a session together as a family in the SLC temple.  The challenge was finding someone to babysit the kids, get to the temple in time, then pick up the kids before making it on time to the wedding dinner.  There was discussion about whether it was even prudent to do a session with the family.  But in the end, things worked out.  It was a bit stressful ensuring the kids were ok and then getting to the temple, but in the end, we all made it there on time.

We sat together.  The image of seeing us all together in the SLC temple in the various rooms - especially the Celestial room - was powerful.  My wife's family, growing up, had a motto that was reduced to CKOB - Celestial Kingdom or Bust.  Seeing them all, with their spouses in the Celestial room was a preview of what is to come.  I felt privileged to be a part of that session.

Looking back, I understand precisely why my father-in-law and mother-in-law desired to do a session so badly.

And now a quick word about the Temple - as we walked to the different rooms in the SLC temple, I was overcome with powerful emotion as I felt the collective spirits who have walked those halls all these past years.  As I examined the intricate designs and architecture, I realized the profound dedication and sacrifice those saints made to build the SLC temple.  They too desired the blessings of the temple for their posterity and they wanted to pass that legacy on to their children and grandchildren.  That legacy lives on today as we see the explosion of growth of temples throughout the world.  And we have as many temples in the world today because of the sacrifice of those saints who built the Kirtland, the Nauvoo, the St. George, the Manti, the Logan and Salt Lake City temples.  I will never forget those feelings I felt in the SLC temple ... they will always come back to me each time I attend any temple.

Love at Home

The First Presidency Message this month is called "Love at Home."

The one paragraph from President Monson, that really stood out to me was the one entitled What is Most Important.  It states: “What is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, ‘They do not love that do not show their love.’ We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.”

Jill and I recently watched the last Harry Potter movie.  And as cheesy as it sounds, my favorite part of the whole movie was when Harry was able to talk to his parents before facing Tom Riddle.  The whole premise of the Harry Potter series is based on love; on the one action of Lily Potter when she attempted to save her son.

Now for a real-life example of family love.  We recently had some good friends stay at our home for the weekend.  We always knew we were somewhat distantly related.  But this time, we got out the genealogy book my parents wrote and looked up some pedigree charts.  We found and read all the stories about how the Putnams and Waltons were connected.  We found that Israel Putnam and Ruth Walton married and thus connected these two families.  We also read that Israel's father (Artemus) was baptized by George Walton on February 14, 1844!  As we told our kids these stories, their already strong friendship grew even stronger.  Again, we already knew we were distantly related somehow, but when it was confirmed and we knew we were family, our love for each other became sweeter and stronger. Family is everything!  Family is love!

Sunday School Lesson Notes from Ward Conference

The counselor in our stake presidency gave the lesson in our Sunday School today.  I always enjoy his talks and discussions.  Despite the fact that I feel so overwhelmed at the fact of how much I yet lack, when listening to him, I still feel animated to go and do.

However, this hodge-podge lesson he gave, fell a bit flat.  But there were some gems.

He started off by asking what the themes were in Sacrament Meeting when the stake president spoke along with the bishop.
- strengthen the family
- rescue
- youth attendance to meetings
- missionary tours of the buildings
- faith in Christ
- make and keep covenants
- act, don't wait
- gain a testimony

He spoke that these 'meetings' are not meetings; but they are revelatory sessions.

Boys have been called as missionaries.  We need more of them and we need them to be better prepared missionaries.

We need to strengthen the Melchizedek Priesthood base ... it is about the fathers of the boys.

Come unto Christ; rejoice in Christ.

Pay attention to the media - make sure it is not consuming your home.

Study the scriptures thirty minutes a day.  Part of that should be in the Book of Mormon.

Read the first chapter in the new Handbook of Instructions.
- actions, desires of heart and kind of person you've become - these are the basis of your judgement.

Then he shared a story of John Robinson who wrote a letter to the people on the Mayflower.  (Somehow he was a descendant of someone in the Mayflower or even John Robinson himself .. and he learned this while do Family History work.)  He advised them to repent daily.  If they did not, they would be swallowed by the dangers of others.

His counsel to us is: think of unrepented sins; think of repented sins.

Five Prophetic Priorities

Our Stake President spoke in our ward today.  He's discussed the Five Prophetic Priorities before and he spoke on them again today.  I felt impressed to take notes.

1) Build faith in Christ
2) Strengthen the Family
3) Convert, Retain, Activate
4) Strengthen Melchizedek Priesthood base
5) Prepare and increase the number of full-time missionaries

He then shared with us his notes while he reviewed every General Conference talk President Monson has given since he became prophet.

* "serious attention" to missionary work.  Young Men: prepare now.  Age 8 is not too early to begin  preparing.

* Gratitude - be thankful for what God has given us.

* Preparing for missions

* Temple - the means of strengthening the family

* Anger

* We should pray for nations to open the doors to the missionaries.  He said we should include this plea in our personal prayers as well as our prayers from the pulpits.

* Doing something for someone

* Be of good cheer

* Avoid pornography and study the messages of General Conference

* Pray for the opening of areas (again)

* Learn, Do, Be.

* Reaching out to others.

* Joy in the Journey

* Be an example of teachings of Christ.  Love our families and treat our wives with dignity.

President Paulson then asked, "Has he talked about the five prophetic priorities?"  Yes!

It was a good talk.  I'm encouraged to go back and study those talks again from the last few General Conferences.

I've been diligent in taking notes in Gospel Doctrine class too.  Go on over to my New Testament Study blog to read notes I took from today.

Teaching in the Home

Here is my talk I gave December 26 in Sacrament Meeting:




Good afternoon everyone! I hope you had a very Merry Christmas, especially if you were able to spend it with family. And how appropriate that we can talk about families during this wonderful time of year.


Opening Quote

In 1995 in the April General Conference, President Packer said:

“Our Father’s plan requires that, like the generation of life itself, the shield of faith is to be made and fitted in the family. No two can be exactly alike. Each must be handcrafted to individual specifications.

“The plan designed by the Father contemplates that man and woman, husband and wife, working together, fit each child individually with a shield of faith made to buckle on so firmly that it can neither be pulled off nor penetrated by those fiery darts.

“It takes the steady strength of a father to hammer out the metal of it and the tender hands of a mother to polish and fit it on. Sometimes one parent is left to do it alone. It is difficult, but it can be done.

“In the Church we can teach about the materials from which a shield of faith is made: reverence, courage, chastity, repentance, forgiveness, compassion. In church we can learn how to assemble and fit them together. But the actual making of and fitting on of the shield of faith belongs in the family circle. Otherwise it may loosen and come off in a crisis” (Boyd K. Packer, "“The Shield of Faith”", Ensign, May 1995, 7)

To develop this unique shield of faith for each of our children, we must consecrate our time to the raising and teaching of our children these precious principals. Working together, the mother and the father can forge strong shields of faith for their children. They forge those strong shields by constantly teaching their children in the home.

The Role of the Church in Teaching in the Home

The Church and the family strengthen each other. Neither can thrive without the other. Parents need the Church in order to maintain strong faith and to learn what they must teach their children.

The Home and the Church

In reading the recently updated Church Handbook, I came across this passage:

"In the teachings and practices of the restored gospel, the family and the Church help and strengthen each other. To qualify for the blessings of eternal life, families need to learn the doctrines and receive the priesthood ordinances that are available only through the Church. To be a strong and vital organization, the Church needs righteous families.

"God has revealed a pattern of spiritual progress for individuals and families through ordinances, teaching, programs, and activities that are home centered and Church supported. Church organizations and programs exist to bless individuals and families and are not ends in themselves. Priesthood and auxiliary leaders and teachers seek to assist parents, not to supersede or replace them.

"Priesthood and auxiliary leaders must endeavor to strengthen the sacredness of the home by ensuring that all Church activities support the lives of individuals and families. Church leaders need to be careful not to overwhelm families with too many Church responsibilities. Parents and Church leaders work together to help individuals and families return to our Father in Heaven by following Jesus Christ." (Handbook 2)

Less Church Time, More Family Time

To add a finer light on that passage, let me share with you a quote from Elder Oaks from his classic talk Good, Better, Best:

"Stake presidencies and bishoprics need to exercise their authority to weed out the excessive and ineffective busyness that is sometimes required of the members of their stakes or wards. Church programs should focus on what is best (most effective) in achieving their assigned purposes without unduly infringing on the time families need for their “divinely appointed duties.”

"But here is a caution for families. Suppose Church leaders reduce the time required by Church meetings and activities in order to increase the time available for families to be together. This will not achieve its intended purpose unless individual family members—especially parents—vigorously act to increase family togetherness and one-on-one time. Team sports and technology toys like video games and the Internet are already winning away the time of our children and youth. Surfing the Internet is not better than serving the Lord or strengthening the family. Some young men and women are skipping Church youth activities or cutting family time in order to participate in soccer leagues or to pursue various entertainments. Some young people are amusing themselves to death—spiritual death." (Dallin H. Oaks, "Good, Better, Best", Ensign, Nov. 2007, 104–8)

In another quote, the First Presidency gave clear and direct counsel about where we are to place our priorities.

“We call upon parents to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility.

“We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform” (First Presidency letter, Feb. 11, 1999).

Those are some very strong quotes from today’s prophets. I share them today to serve as a reminder of how best to spend our time. Time, it seems, is more precious than gold. It is possible to acquire more gold once it’s been spent, but once you spend time, you never get it back.

What Fathers Can Do to Teach in the Home

Besides these critical fundamentals of family prayer and scripture study, there are many other ways that we all can improve our time and quality of teaching with our children. In preparing for this talk, I came across two articles by Ezra Taft Benson. In the first, he directed his counsel to fathers; and in the second to mothers. In each of them, he cites 10 ways fathers and mothers can teach in the home and provide spiritual leadership for their families.

As I read through the list to the fathers, I thought of examples from my life that have demonstrated each point.

“1. Give father’s blessings to your children. Baptize and confirm your children. Ordain your sons to the priesthood. These will become spiritual highlights in the lives of your children.

One of my favorite traditions we have is the Sunday before the start of the new school year father’s blessing. At the beginning of each school year, we formally gather as a family and I give each of our children and Jill a blessing. Each time, we feel the Spirit strongly. I learned how to bless my children and wife from my father. The last beginning-of-the-school-year father’s blessing I received was in September of 2004. I had just started MBA School. Over the Labor Day break, I received a phone call from my sister telling me my grandmother had just passed away. I flew out to Utah to attend the funeral. Just before I was to fly back to Texas, I asked my father and brother for a blessing. It is a memory I hold dearly and I still draw strength every time I think of that blessing.

“2. Personally direct family prayers, daily scripture reading, and weekly family home evenings. Your personal involvement will show your children how important these activities really are.

Let me add to this second point … let your children see you study the scriptures personally. How wonderful an example for our children to see us practicing what we preach. It was on a cold winter day with dark gray clouds overhead outside and a blazing warm fire inside when I stepped into the quiet living room in our home in Oregon and I saw my dad sitting in his chair with his scriptures in his lap. The memory is so vivid that I can close my eyes and see all the details of that scene instantly. What made that impression so strong? I believe it was the power of the Holy Ghost.

And as a side comment – don’t be discouraged if you think your children are not learning from your example. I often find myself reflecting on my parents’ life when I have problems to face. Their examples have probably taught me more than anything else.

“3. Whenever possible, attend Church meetings together as a family. Family worship under your leadership is vital to your children’s spiritual welfare.

Again, this 3rd point strengthens the point that the family needs the Church and the Church needs the family.

“4. Go on daddy-daughter dates and father-and-sons’ outings with your children. As a family, go on campouts and picnics, to ball games and recitals, to school programs, and so forth. Having Dad there makes all the difference.

We are always supporting each other in our events. Especially at this time of year when the kids participate in Christmas programs and choir recitals. Jill is always keen on making these events special for the children. When Emma had a special part in her Nutcracker play, Jill’s mom gave her a Clara nutcracker. This year Ben played Santa Clause in his school play and Jill gave him a Mr & Mrs Clause nutcracker set. There is no doubt in my mind, that when Emma and Ben look on those nutcrackers when they are parents, they will tell their children the story of when they participated in their school concerts and their children will laugh and their love will increase.

“5. Build traditions of family vacations and trips and outings. These memories will never be forgotten by your children.

Everyone loves vacations and trips. I can recall every trip and vacation our family has taken. The first trip we took was at the end of May in 2001. We drove from Dallas to St. George – it was just Jill, Emma and me. We drove 19 straight hours to get there – arriving at 7:00am in the morning. We loved seeing west Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. We also loved spending time with my parents. The last trip we took was up to Arkansas to visit Jill’s family during Thanksgiving. I know Ben made at least one memory there when we took him with us to the turkey bowl. We played in the freezing rain. Although I may look back on that experience with a bit of a chill, I think Ben looks at it with warmness.

“6. Have regular one-on-one visits with your children. Let them talk about what they would like to. Teach them gospel principles. Teach them true values. Tell them you love them. Personal time with your children tells them where Dad puts his priorities.

I have tried many times to make one-on-one visits formal and regular. But I’ve found that there are countless opportunities to have one-on-one visits with my kids over the course of a week. When I pick Emma up from Activity Days, I ask her questions and try to engage in conversation with her. She usually has a funny story to tell me. With Ben, we usually talk while playing a game of chess or throwing the football outside. One day a week, I get to pick up Erick from the bus stop. As we walk home I get to ask him how his day went and what he learned at school. It is always fun asking him questions and getting a really thoughtful six year old opinion. Camille will usually come into my office early in the morning and give me a hug and sit on my lap. She also always has a story to tell me. At bedtime, Jill and I will always spend a few more minutes talking to them before kissing them goodnight.

“7. Teach your children to work, and show them the value of working toward a worthy goal.

There are many opportunities to teach children how to work. Both manual labor and mental exertion are considered work. At home, children learn how to work by diligently finishing homework, cleaning their rooms, helping clean the house, folding clothes, cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, weeding the garden, trimming bushes, walking the dog and even by reading good books. Extracurricular activities such as playing sports, singing in the choir or participating in a school play can teach children how to be diligent and focused in order to achieve a goal. As children grow older, they can get a job to begin earning money for a mission or college.

“8. Encourage good music and art and literature in your homes. Homes that have a spirit of refinement and beauty will bless the lives of your children forever.

Learning the hymns both at home and at church helps children to learn to love singing. Having classical and uplifting music playing in the home invites the Spirit. Exposing children to good books and infecting them with a love of reading will last a lifetime. My love of music came from my Mom and her family. She would always encourage me to sing and enjoy music. She involved me in singing groups, take me to choir practice, she would play the piano and teach my sisters to play the piano. Our home was full of music. Both my grandparents were beautiful singers. My love of classical music began in earnest when we visited my uncle’s home. He would always pipe classical music through his home’s speaker system – I loved it. I loved it so much, I wrote a letter to him asking what music he was playing. He dubbed a cassette tape of his favorite music and sent it to me.

“9. As distances allow, regularly attend the temple with your wife. Your children will then better understand the importance of temple marriage and temple vows and the eternal family unit.

Temple attendance is one of those things you teach your children by example. I learned to love the temple first by seeing my parents attend and serve in the temple. When Jill and I attend, we make it a point to tell the kids we’re leaving to go to the temple.

“10. Have your children see your joy and satisfaction in service to the Church. This can become contagious to them, so they, too, will want to serve in the Church and will love the kingdom”

Again, like temple attendance, children learn best to serve when they see their parents serve. I see this in Jill’s family. Jill’s parents are always serving. Jill has told me of the many, many examples of the times her mom would serve others. And who can’t doubt the example of Jill’s mom when they see Jill. It seems that Jill is always baking a dinner for a family in the ward or a neighbor in need. And I regularly come home from work to see other people’s kids who she is watching while their mom is attending to an emergency. Jill is the most thoughtful, kindest person I know and thanks be to her and her mother!

(Ezra Taft Benson, "To the Fathers in Israel", Ensign, Nov. 1987, 48)

What Mothers Can do to Teach in the Home
President Benson wrote a similar top ten list for mothers with regard to teaching in the home. I’d like to briefly share this list with you and then share with you a few personal stories of mothers teaching in the home.

1. Be at the crossroads.

2. Be a real friend.

3. Read to your children.

4. Pray with your children.

5. Have weekly home evenings.

6. Be together at mealtimes.

7. Read scriptures daily.

8. Do things as a family.

9. Teach your children.

10. Truly love your children.

(President Ezra Taft Benson Address given at a Fireside for Parents, 22 February 1987)

The Family

Our sacrament meeting talks were about the family and what we can do to strengthen our families.

The first talk was by a young woman who comes from a large family. She is the oldest at 19 and her youngest sibling is 3. What touched me from her talk was the love she has for her parents and younger brothers and sisters. She mentioned in her talk how her younger brother's favorite book is Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and how he will go to every person in the house and ask each one of them to read the book to him. Mostly he gets replies that they are busy. But one of her sisters always drops anything that she is doing and reads to him whenever he asks her. It was a very touching story. How un-selfish an act to stop whatever you are doing to read to a child.

I am the youngest of 7 children in my family and I can remember feeling loved by my parents and older brothers and sisters. My most fondest childhood memories are with family. I feel that because of those happy times, I am a better husband and father. Because I felt love in my parent's home, I desire to create that love in my home today. Part of my patriarchal blessing counsels me to appreciate and keep strong the bonds within my family because they will be important to me througout the eternities.

I've always taken the importance of family for granted. Knowing that family is important was always a given growing up. So in 1995, I was a bit non-plussed about the Proclamation on the Family. I really didn't understand the importance of that document at the time. As I look back, I think I didn't realize at the time how the family was under attack. It wasn't until I had my own family did I realize the importance of that document.

When people find out that we have 4 children, they are usually taken aback. The first question from their mouth is "are you done?" And I agree with a gentleman I spoke with yesterday who said that there was a time when a family of 4 children was considered average or below average. Now, 4 children is "big" by today's standards.

How the world's troubles would begin to vanish if everyone began to focus more on repairing and building a strong family. Would it hurt to drop what you are doing and read a book to your child? It might be fun to take your kids to the park or play toys with them. Why not pass something you love onto your children ... if you love to play chess, as I do, then spend time with your kids playing chess. Take your kids to the gym and play basketball. Go jump on the trampoline with them the next time you're outside. Teach them how to play catch or ride a bicycle. Say you're sorry if you lose your temper in front of them. Work with them ... help them to clean the kitchen or rake leaves. Read the scriptures and pray with them every day. Sit down with them and work on their homework together. Sing a song to them. Laugh with them. Tell them you love them ... very often. Hug them and kiss them on their cheeks. Let them hug and kiss you on your cheeks. Be the best Dad and Mom to your kids and they will grow up with a healthy sense of what a righteous family is all about.